


I want my innocence back

by CountlessStars



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Abuse, Hate, M/M, Murder, this is wrong on so many levels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:02:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountlessStars/pseuds/CountlessStars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili takes his revenge after years of abuse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I want my innocence back

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Верни мне мою невинность](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1741205) by [Scandia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scandia/pseuds/Scandia)



> Because this is what I write instead of sweet Valentine's day poems.
> 
> Title and lyrics included in this fic are from the song by the loveliest Emilie Autumn.

_I want my innocence back_  
 _And if you can’t give it to me_  
 _I will cut you down_  
 _And I will run you through_  
 _With the dagger you sharpened_  
 _On my body and soul_  
 _Before you slit me in two_  
 _And then devoured me whole_  
  
  
There was no one else to blame but his brother. _No one_. Not after all these times.  
Kili struggled, but he could not win the war in his mind. After all, there was no winner. Before, he had tried to forget, to oppose, to fight, to forgive, to find a reason – any reason –  for his brother’s behaviour.  
But eventually, he knew. It came to him suddenly as a summer storm and slowly as the melting snow. All his thoughts disappeared, leaving only a memory of Fili – a memory that cut deeper than any sword. His mind became dark and cold, as opposed to the burning blaze it used to be.  
After years of torture, Kili only wished for one thing. His revenge.  
  
  
 _I want my innocence back_  
 _And if you can’t pacify me_  
 _I will break your bones_  
 _You think I’m bluffing, just try me_  
  
  
The first time it happened, Kili thought it was a drunkard’s temporary madness. He knew his brother had drunk too much and it was his responsibility to take him back home. And so he did. Supporting his brother’s figure, he stumbled, but soon they were in their house, on the stairs, in Fili’s room.  
Kili simply wanted to put the elder onto the bed and let him sleep off the impacts of the ale. He wanted to get into his own bed, have a rest and then, maybe, laugh about it in the morning.  
  
But suddenly, his insides felt heavy as thought they were filled with lead, cold and disgusting. He realised it was his brother. Fili was pressing his body against his own, gripping Kili violently and crushing their mouths together.  
Kili tried to push away, hitting his brother, kicking around, but a terrible fear appeared as his brother squeezed his arms hard enough to make bruises. Fili tugged the younger’s dark hair and pulled it hard enough for Kili to feel the hair being ripped out from his head. Kili was forced to kneel on the floor.  
  
It made no difference whether his eyes were wide open shut tight. The tears that filled them made his face burn like acid. The burning sensation was all that he felt. Cruel flames on his face, in his throat, covering his naked limbs. But the worst fire was the one he felt inside of him as his brother satisfied himself, devouring everything and leaving Kili burned down to ashes.  
   
  
 _I will never forget_  
 _The words you used to ensnare me_  
 _Till my dying day_  
 _You’ll suffer for this, I swear_  
  
  
Fili was unaffected by the fire that tortured his younger brother. Kili desperately looked for any sign of regret, of pity, but Fili’s face and eyes were cold and hard as stone.  
When the elder spoke to him, it was even worse. Every word addressed to Kili was full of disdain, its sole purpose to hurt him even more.  
Fili seemed to take the same amount of pleasure from abasing his brother as he did in using his body. He’d stolen everything from Kili, but it was not enough to bring him satisfaction. Whenever Kili tried to hide, to run away or simply to curl up in a corner and weep, Fili would be there in a heartbeat, spitting words that tasted like poison on Kili’s tongue.  
Kili knew he should have died after the very first night. As time passed, he started to hope for his own death. But none of his prayers and pleads were heard.  
After weeks and months and years, he finally understood it was not _his_ death he wished for.  
  
  __  
 _And I demand_  
 _You put that heart back in my hand_  
 _And wipe it clean_  
 _From the mess you made of me_  
  
  
Kili didn’t plan any of it. Yet he acted – it was like an invisible force guiding his every step and every move. Maybe his prayers were finally answered. Or maybe he couldn’t fall any deeper so he had to fight. But Kili could scarcely think about anything. At that time, he was no more than an empty shell, his brother sucked all the life out of him.  
  
There were no emotions when his brother forced him to accompany him on a hunt in the woods. Kili’s mind was numb and cold and sharp as ice, his feelings dead for what seemed like years.  
He did not make the slightest objection when his brother claimed his body. Kili could not keep track of countless time his brother did the same. There would be no use of counting them – every time hurt and burned just like the first one, torturing Kili over and over again.  
  
After, Fili ordered the younger to fetch some wood for the fire. Kili did as he was told, although being alone no longer brought any relief.  
Marching through the forest, he picked up a few dry branches. Looking around for more, he stumbled upon a strange plant. He did not have even the slightest idea what it was, but something about it made him pick it up carefully and hide it in his vest.  
When he returned back, he let out the wood fall from his hand as he settled himself down to the ground.  
He watched Fili as he started the fire.  
And the next moment, his hand were moving without his consent, reaching for the flask filled with water, opening it and cramming the strange plant inside.  
Kili’s own mind was blurred as he handed the flask to the elder and watched him to swallow more than half of it content.  
Only seconds later, his brother collapsed onto the ground. He was not dead, Kili knew. He also knew he would wake up in a few minutes. Without even thinking about _how_ he knew such a thing, he did the necessary.  
  
When Fili woke up, he could not move. With his mind unable to focus, it took him a while to understand that he was tied up against a tree. He could feel the rough surface on his chest and his stomach and he realised he was naked.  
He didn’t even have a time to react when suddenly he felt an incredible pain on his back.  
Kili slid the sharp blade of his knife all the way down from the soft hair on Fili’s neck. He stopped at the small of his back. Leaning against his brother, he could feel each muscle, contracting in pain.  
  
It has been years since he had felt _so alive_.  
 __  
But he was not done, not yet. With his free hand, he grabbed Fili’s hair, yanking his head backwards.  
His fingers curled around the blade and with one swift movement, he stabbed his brother in the arse.  
Fili screamed until there was no more air left in his lungs.  
,,Tell me brother, does it feel good? Do you like it just like I did?” Kili whispered right into Fili’s ear just before twisting the blade inside his brother’s body.  
Fili let out another ears-ripping scream and only then Kili pulled the knife out.  
Kili then placed the blade against Fili’s bare neck. The handle was slick with blood, but Kili was holding it with an incredible strength.  
He leaned forward and placed a kiss on Fili’s cheek covered with cold sweat.  
,,Farewell, brother.” He whispered as he cut Fili’s throat.  
 __  
  
 _And I require_  
 _You make me free from this desire_  
 _And when you leave_  
 _I’d better be the innocent_  
 _I used to be_  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I even made a haiku about this fic:
> 
> What the fucking fuck?  
> How did this even happen?  
> I am so sorry.
> 
> I guess it sums up it pretty well. That idea just popped up while listening to that song. (Which is pretty obvious, isn't it?) To be honest, I've never thought I would write something like that, haha!
> 
> Also...Fili, Kili - forgive me, guys. I love you both and I promise I will eventually write a fic with loads of fluff and with a happy ending for you...


End file.
